overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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