you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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