just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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