I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
