I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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