Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After last night, I could never be a politician.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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