May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
