I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
