Yo dont text me then not text me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
