whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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