I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish you could order shots online.
Sober January is a disaster.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
