her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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