office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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