you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize