dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
