I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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