my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
