Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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