don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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