If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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