Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
