I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
