DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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