Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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