This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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