I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
