Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
