It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dear god my vagina.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
