In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
