How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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