i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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