so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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