Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize