Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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