I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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