I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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