Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
