The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
