This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
pray to the hookup gods
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
