Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
