I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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