Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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