they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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