Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you never un-have a 4some
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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