He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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