you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
