Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
