i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
