its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
