I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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