counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
