she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
