Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
