Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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