you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
