Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
