i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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