She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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