She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
