the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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