Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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