Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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